SPARKS BRIEF: Trump Wants to Moon US

Washington, DC – After the Artemis II liftoff, the first crewed lunar mission in over 50 years attracted a huge audience both in person and online around the world. President Trump announced he’ll triple viewership when he becomes the first president to travel to the moon.

According to White House sources, the president had a disappointing day. After visiting the Supreme Court and not seeing Diana Ross, followed by criticism of his primetime speech about Iran, Trump has turned to space to boost his all-time low approval rating.

“Everyone loves a space launch. Just ask the millions of people who attend my rallies. MAGA wants to see Trump boldly go where no president has gone before. Quite frankly, many don’t know that I gave Bill Shatner that opening line for Star Wars. It made the show very, very successful,” the president told the White House press corps.

“Other presidents were very weak. Sleepy Joe and Barack Hussein Obama wouldn’t get into, what do we call them, rockets? But I’m going to shoot to Trump Moon, buy it with bitcoin, and place my gold presidential flag there. I’ll also be looking for a lunar location with 18 craters. We’re building a monumental Trump Moon Mar-a-Lunar and golf course for my low-gravity MAGA loyalists and Melania. I can’t do it without the “best of all time” first lady. Our son is excited. Can’t forget my ‘big boy’ Barron,” Trump said.

Reporter Patti Republic asked the president if NASA was aware of his plan to travel to the moon.

“They’re building my spaceship as we speak. It’s top secret, but I can tell you it will be the most “tremendous” golden rocket anyone has ever seen. I’ve named it Goldenrod. It will stand tall and erect as it pierces the heavens. Let me tell you, it’s by far the most spectacular in the history of this country. Bigger than any Abraham Lincoln had. He is the second greatest president but didn’t have my rocket power."

“JFK promised to go to the moon. I’m promising to own it.”

Lorelai Liberty, a Democratic political strategist, said, “Millions of Americans would love to see Trump shot into space with no plan to return. It would be the ultimate deportation of a criminal.”

Our investigative journalist found that NASA has no plans to build a golden rocket for the president, but Jeff Bezos has begun construction on a large Amazon warehouse in an undisclosed location in Death Valley, California. Additionally, potential crew members to join Trump on his trip include Pam Bondi, Kristi Noem, and possibly Howard Lutnick.

Laura Loomer, a far-right political activist, shared on Fox & Friends that Trump told her that Pam and Kristi are his top choices for a trip to the moon.

"The president told me he wants several people to stay behind to oversee construction on Moon Mar-a-Lunar and an ICE detention facility."

“I asked Mr. Trump how his two former cabinet members would survive without oxygen. He replied, ‘Those two have sucked enough oxygen out of every room. Believe me, they’ll survive.’”

“There seems to be a lot of information out there about Trump’s moon expedition, although he claims it’s secret,” said Cliff Hanger, the podcast host of Poop on the President.

Hanger reported breaking news on the CNN Breaking News Hour that aides close to the White House Chief of Staff, Susie Wiles, heard Trump tell her that Goldenrod liftoff was scheduled soon after the midterm elections.

He told Wiles, “They can’t impeach me if I’m not on earth.”

He also told Wiles, “I can’t confirm there are aliens, although Obama already has. If Mars is looking for a leader, I’m throwing my hat into orbit. I’ll be their king from day one. It will be a big, fat, beautiful Trump Universe.”

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