Sparks Ignites

Washington, D.C. – After the shooting at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Trump immediately called for the construction of his “militarily top secret ballroom.” Which, don’t tell the president, hasn’t been top secret since the White House East Wing was demolished in October 2025.  In response to Trump’s concern for heightened security in public venues and protection from active shooters, a wave of demands for specially equipped ballrooms is sweeping the country. Schools, malls, churches, and synagogues have issued statements declaring, "We, too, require ballrooms." They want them immediately and preferably with marble floors and at least one dramatic staircase for fleeing elegantly.  The White House has been flooded with requests for a copy of the ballroom blueprints. The principal of Time Out Elementary School, Polly Ticks, said she wanted immediate approval for a bulletproof ballroom to replace the gymnasium and the cafeteria. The school board president, Ella Mentary...