Sparks Ignites

  Washington, D.C.  – Republican Senator Lindsey Graham died late Saturday night following a “brief and sudden illness,” according to information released by his office.  Graham was a staunch opponent of LGBTQ+ rights. In the hallowed halls of the Capitol, however, he was often referred to as “Lady G.” Although his office has been silent about the cause of death, our investigative reporter learned from an undisclosed source that Graham was found dead in his closet.  Authorities reportedly found sequined gowns, feather boas, a complete boxed set of  Will &   Grace , a copy of Queer Eye for the Political Guy, Heated Rivalry  action figures, six tickets to  Wicked,  all purchased under the alias “Definitely Not For Lindsey Graham,” and a laminated VIP pass to every Cher farewell tour.  FBI agents spent three hours cataloging the evidence before stopping to debate their favorite season of  Will & Grace. A spokesperson insisted t...

  Washington, D.C.  – When D.C. police investigators, the National Park Service, Kash Patel’s FBI, and Ratcliffe’s CIA failed to uncover the vandals who Trump claims created a 350-foot “gash” in the bottom of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, Democratic Senator Dick Durbin hired super-sleuth Nancy Drew to solve the mystery. Durbin said he remembers Drew being a first-rate detective when he was a young boy “My sister often read Drew’s case files and would talk about her skills,” Durbin told our reporter. “I’ve also contacted Frank and Joe Hardy in case Drew needs backup.”  Nancy has years of experience. She solved her first case in 1930 and made national headlines, which named her a teenage James Bond, minus the British accent and a vodka martini “shaken, not stirred.” Ms. Drew is now 112 years old but doesn’t look a day over eighteen. The biggest mystery surrounding Nancy is who’s doing the nipping and tucking.  When a source reached out to her associates, Bess M...