Washington, DC – The canine nation is on high alert since the confirmation of Kristi Noem, former governor of South Dakota and dog assassin, as Secretary of Homeland Security. Noem has been on the Watch Dog’s List since it was revealed she took out her family dog, Cricket, for being “untrainable.” Thousands of dogs have banded together to provide security for “man’s best friend.” In NJ, the newly formed Proud Puppies have taken to dog parks and playgrounds to provide armed protection to the now vulnerable pets. “We purchased an AR-15 for our Rottweiler, Mr. Doddles, so he could join the Proud Puppies,” Alberta Alpo told reporters. “Dogs all over the state are standing at attention to ensure their security and protect from possible deportation.” Cesar Salado, a professional dog interpreter, has volunteered to speak for the dog militias forming across the country. Salado has been in close contact with the performers of SeƱor Pepe’s Chihuahua Circus. The Texas Terriers have been wor...
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