SPARKS BRIEF: Lindsey Sashays Over the Rainbow

Washington, D.C. – Republican Senator Lindsey Graham died late Saturday night following a “brief and sudden illness,” according to information released by his office.

Graham was a staunch opponent of LGBTQ+ rights. In the hallowed halls of the Capitol, however, he was often referred to as “Lady G.”

Although his office has been silent about the cause of death, our investigative reporter learned from an undisclosed source that Graham was found dead in his closet.

Authorities reportedly found sequined gowns, feather boas, a complete boxed set of Will & Grace, a copy ofQueer Eye for the Political Guy, Heated Rivalry action figures, six tickets to Wicked, all purchased under the alias “Definitely Not For Lindsey Graham,” and a laminated VIP pass to every Cher farewell tour.

FBI agents spent three hours cataloging the evidence before stopping to debate their favorite season of Will & Grace.

A spokesperson insisted the gowns belonged to “a friend” and described the Wicked tickets as “part of an undercover investigation that is top secret.”

Farewell, Lindsey. May your journey over the rainbow be fabulous, your pearls eternally clutched, and your welcome committee waiting for you at brunch with your mimosa already poured. You got this, gurl!!

For the first time in his political career, Lindsey Graham finally came out of the closet, feet first.

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