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SPARKS BRIEF: The New Me, Myself, and iPhone



 Cupertino, CA – Apple announced a new series of smartphones to be released in the spring of 2026. The new Me, Myself, and iPhone features upgraded tools designed to enhance twenty-four hours of “me time.”

The phone will make everything about the all-important “ME.” It will be my world, and welcome to it. If it’s not about you, why should you care? Not only will it be your smartphone, but it will also be your best friend.

Tim Cook, Apple CEO, told the media that the phone will come in three models: the “Mini Me 18,” “Mighty Me Pro,” and “All Me Pro Max.”

“The phone is highly intuitive and will always be there to plan your day, tell you who to talk to, when to take a selfie, and make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. Because you and the phone think you are,” said Cook.

Chip Bait tested the new phone prototype and said that the camera assured him he looked amazing, provided he tilted his head, faced the light, and selected one of the twelve filters ranging from “Fresh Dewy Morning” to “I Have Never Known Sorrow.”

“It knows “ME” so well,” Bait boasted. “Apple ensures that privacy is very important to ‘ME.’ The phone reminds me of this right before accessing my contacts, my location, my microphone, my photos, my calendar, my health data, my dreams, and my mood.”

A groundbreaking technology developed by Apple will be introduced in the new phones. The Apple Bubble is an app that puts everyone in their own personal bubble. It’s a force field that provides exclusive space for your own contextual reality.

“At the tap of an icon, you will free yourself from anyone entering your world without permission,” said Cook. “With social media, targeted news, and alternate facts, we already live in our own bubbles. We’ve just made it a physical reality. With the Me, Myself, and iPhone, you’ll be able to glide through life like Glinda in Oz.” 

“The Apple Bubble is fire,” Bait reported. “It’s my world, so it’s about me and what I want. Like, if I’m on vacation and I want a pic of the Grand Canyon, I shouldn’t have to wait for annoying tourists to stop hogging a prime photo area; I can bounce them away with my bubble.”

According to Apple, the bubble’s circumference enlarges with each model upgrade. “The All Me Pro Max” has three times the personal space of the “Mini-Me 18,” Cook said. “The bigger the bubble, the stronger the bounce.”

Hugh Manity, anthropologist and lecturer at The College of Social Media vs. Knowledge NYC, warns of a battle for dominance in an already divided world.

“Apple has developed a phone that will widen the gap in people’s biases and how they connect with others,” Manity advised. “This forcefield of ‘Me Space’ is an echo chamber that supports insular behavior. It filters out anything not aligned with one’s own experience. It will quickly create ‘Bubble Bullies’ claiming superiority over their needs.”

Manity added that we already see a lack of knowledge and rational thinking in people if the information they receive doesn’t relate to their own interests.

In 2025, Manity interviewed first-year college students to assess their general knowledge. Here are some responses:

Q: How many weeks are in a year?

A: 600

Q: Where is Hawaii located?

A: China

Q: Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

A: Stephen or Martin Luther King

Q: If the president and the vice president both die, who becomes the president?

A: Melania

Q: Who was President John F. Kennedy married to?

A: Betty Ford

“No, that was Gerald Ford.”

“Gerald Ford?

You mean JFK was gay?”

“Apple is creating a huge societal shift that will not be in the public’s interest. It’s just about profits and selling more phones,” Manity said. “I’ve lobbied Congress and issued petitions to stop the production of the Me, Myself, and iPhone.”

According to the Apple CEO, he’s already spoken to Trump about the new bubble technology.

“Trump has always supported products powered entirely by hot air,” Cook said.

“These bubbles are fantastic. You can live in them. You don’t hear fake news. You don’t see fake people. You don’t see people you don’t like. My supporters have been living in bubbles for years. Apple just made it official,” Trump told reporters aboard Air Force One.

The battle for the Apple Bubble is on, and Manity hopes to burst it before it becomes a thorn in the side of pop culture.  

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