SPARKS BRIEF: This Holiday Season it's Orange and Gold

Washington, D.C. – Along with his gold sneakers, watches, cologne, and bitcoin, President Trump announced the launch of his own Christmas decoration line. He promises to “Make Christmas Great Again.”

The line he calls Trumpmas will hit stores “faster than Santa could hide his naughty files.” There’s North Pole gossip that Trump and Epstein are on the list for all their “ho-ho-ho’ing.” The “man in red” isn’t telling a single soul since he was given exclusive rights to the Trump Action Figure, which comes with a can of spray tan in Tangerine Treason and detachable cankles.

“Each ornament will be handcrafted by German artisans just like his Drumpf ancestors—by which we mean mass-produced in China, only approximately 8,000 miles from Germany,” reported Eric Trump.

Trump told reporters from the gold-plated Oval Office that the first product to hit store shelves will be the Trump Hotel & Manger. “Baby Jesus won’t be born in a barn this Christmas. He’ll be in the best suite—no livestock—in regard to accommodations. We got the holy parents—I call them Mary and Joseph.”

We’ve got three wise guys. I’m assuming they’re from Amazon, since they’re delivering presents. As written in my own Trump Bible, they’re dropping off “gold”—my favorite, “Frankenstein”—not sure why? I guess they thought the baby Jesus could heal those neck bolts—RFK Jr. says it's because the monster was circumcised. Also, they brought “merch”—I hope it’s Trump merch—the “son of God” will look powerful in a toga and gold sneakers. For background music, there’s the boy with the drum— “Bing, bing, boom, ta rumpa, ping pong.” I’m hearing we are also including what they call a wet nurse. I’m not sure what that is—she must have been in a t-shirt contest—I will be looking into it,” Trump concluded.

The 47th displayed the rest of the collection on the “Resolute” desk, which includes such festive delights as:

The MAGA Angel Tree Topper – A beautiful sculpture of “the most attractive president since Lincoln,” with his perfectly coiffed hair and wings that are “definitely not tiny.” It whispers “I brought back Merry Christmas” and also possibly “witch hunt.”

Dancing Santa Trump – Fill your home with the joy of the season as you watch Donny in a Santa suit dance to the holiday version of “YMCA.” He’s the only “beardo” allowed in your house this season. (Batteries not included)

Melania’s Silent Night Snow Globe – Shake it and watch snow fall on a replica of Mar-a-Lago. A gold Trump figure stands on the patio shouting, “I have the best snow. Everyone says so. Perfect flakes imported from Greenland.”

The Top 1% Christmas Stocking – A limited-edition stocking made from “the finest American fabric,” which people are saying is polyester with the smell of a Big Mac. It’s oversized to fit tax breaks for billionaires—or a private island.

Elf on the Indictment – A little orange elf who watches your every move and reports it on Truth Social. It comes with the US Constitution featuring a redacted Emoluments Clause.

The Trump Gold Douglas Fir – This stunningly beautiful tree is made of over one million gold electroplated pine needles. It includes Pure Gold Trump Family ornaments of Donald, Melania, Barron, Don Jr. and a plastic version of Eric and Tiffany. The exclusive MAGA version features velvet golden ball sack for easy decoration storage.

The Fantastic Trump Advent Calendar – Count down to the big day with 25 “totally legitimate” pending lawsuits.

Trump insists this is not a money-making venture. “People have been saying to me, in terms of the holiday, sir, we need a Christmas that wins. We need decorations that aren’t woke. The other decorations are losers. Sad. I said you’re right. So it’s Merry Trumpmas. Not Mary Trump; she’s a no-talent loser.” Trump told the press.

“This will be the best Christmas ever. Possibly in the history of Christmases all the way back to Scrooge, who was a smart guy, but he surrounded himself with low-IQ ghosts and that wacky Tiny Tim,” he added.

Critics say this is just another branding stunt, but supporters are already online preordering. “I need to get my tree topper now. I can’t wait until the day after Thanksgiving,” one fan said, referring to what Trump is calling “Orange Friday.”

Comments

Waking Up in Vegas - Happy 2014!

Neither, Gary or I, are really gamblers, so we try to find other activities to occupy our time when visiting Vegas. We have visited Red Rock, Hoover Dam and Valley of Fire State Park on previous visits. We had even traveled as far as Zion National Park in Utah, during an earlier stay. There are definitely natural beauties to discover while in Nevada, and they have nothing to do with showgirls or stripper poles. This visit was about relaxation and ringing in the New Year, so we didn’t need to stray far from Vegas this time. We bought tickets for a concert featuring Kristin Chenoweth. She is a very talented singer and actress best known from Broadway shows, movies, and multiple guest appearances on GLEE. The concert was on New Year’s Eve at the newly built Smith Center. Although she is about three feet tall, Kristin has a powerhouse voice. She sang songs from her career and, of course, sang one of my favorites “For Good” from WICKED. It was a great way to ...

Mental Health - Destroy the Stigma

I believe that I am a fearless writer. I share my personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs. I’ve not been afraid to express my emotions. Self-expression is fundamental to writing. I am a man of my words Recently, I became concerned that my blogs about depression and mental health might shape my reader’s opinions of me in a negative way. The more I thought about it, I realized that I had internalized the stigma that surrounds mental health. Stigma is defined as “a mark of disgrace or infamy.” The word bears a negative connotation and it devalues the person to whom the stigma is applied. While the conversation about mental health is receiving a larger forum, damaging misconceptions are widespread. According to surveys, there are between 42.5-46 million adults in the US that have some type of mental illness. Statistics show that one in four adults experience mental illness in a given year. These numbers of individuals are all impacted in some manner b...

Summer Adventures Part 2 – The Backyard Backlot to Broadway

My childhood summers weren’t all the glitz and glamor of vacationing with cousins, wobbly shopping carts and bloody feet. Actually, most of my summer days were spent right at home in my yard. My parents never took a vacation. Our family never packed its bags and took off for other ports of call. I never boarded a plane, a boat, or a train for a family adventure. My adventures were self-created. They were products of an imaginative mind that could travel to the moon, ride the rapids in the Amazon Jungle and lead a battle for the Knights of the Round Table, all before a lunch of Spaghettios with a side of Hawaiian Punch . I have always loved going to the movies. This helped provide the inspiration to my over active mind. The Saturday afternoon matinee was a childhood staple for me. The smell of fresh popcorn as you entered the lobby and the crisp cold air of the air-conditioned theater helped set the atmosphere on those hot, summer afternoons. I would get lost in the d...

Depression, Drugs & DNA

When diagnosed with Clinical Depression, my doctor recommended medication to help the illness. The art of medication management can challenge professionals who need to find the right drug and dosage that will be effective for treatment. It’s frustrating for patients combating the effects of depression when their medication doesn’t quite alleviate the symptoms. Part of this cocktail of drugs can also cause intolerable side effects · Sleepiness · Insomnia · Dizziness · Weight Gain · Headaches · Increased Anxiety · Sexual Problems · Nausea The feeling of hopelessness and frustration is just compounded when you’re waiting for relief that never really arrives. There are so many drugs available...

Communication - The Art of Words

I read a posting, a few weeks ago, that the song “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode was celebrating its 25 th anniversary. The song, released in 1990, speaks of how you can be beyond words. It relays the message that there are times when words can’t describe feelings or emotions and seem inconsequential. I do understand when people say that something is “indescribable.” We all have moments when we just want silence and time to appreciate the world beyond words. A feeling or an emotion can be hard to verbalize at times, but are we ever beyond words? We have to realize that if we want a space of non-communication we have to communicate that. We can’t “Enjoy the Silence” unless we can tell everyone we want silence. For people to know we are at a loss for words, we have to tell them that. Everything we say and do lies in communication. We could not function as a community or a society without it. We don’t stop to contemplate that our whole world is cr...

Sparks Ignites

Search This Blog