Now that the holiday season is upon us, we should be talking about Christmas parties and not political parties. In fact, any discussion of politics should be off the table and the elf should be on the shelf.
Let’s get through December before the panic attack on January 20th. This year pick up the gift that will brighten everyone’s 2017. Give your #NEVERTRUMP family and friends the Popeil Pocket Lobotomy.
With a simple slice and a dice, you’ll be able to spend valuable holiday time without a single worry about a Trump Nation. In fact, you won’t remember who Trump is or where Washington, DC is located.
Spend long, relaxing hours staring into the fireplace and admiring your Christmas tree. You’ll be easily distracted by shiny objects and fire. In fact, your day’s will be worry-free and your night’s coma like.
The Popeil Pocket Lobotomy is completely portable and fits into most ordinary pockets. It comes complete with a sterilization wipe and an I.D. TAG in case you get lost on one of your new careless days.
There could be a few minor side effects like drooling and the inability to have a complete thought, but you’ll be completely unaware that an orange sociopath has the codes to nuclear weapons. Give the gift that will leave a lasting impression and a glassy-eyed stare. The Pocket Lobotomy makes a great stocking stuffer.
If permanent brain alteration seems like too much of an investment in the future, checkout the Ronco Meth-o-Matic Lab Kit.
Disorientation and a false sense of euphoria can be yours with this compact kit. Cook the stuff that dreams are made of from the convenience of your own kitchen. The more meth in your cabinets, the less you’ll worry about the Trump Cabinet. Nothing says lovin’ like crystal meth in the oven.
Act now and you’ll receive both the Pocket Lobotomy and the Meth-o-Matic for three easy payments of $19.99. Operators are standing by and quantities are limited. Have a Christmas you won’t remember and a holiday high you won’t forget.