Sparks Ignites

Decorating for Halloween and the celebration of “All Hallows Eve” has grown exponentially in the past few decades. Halloween has become the second biggest decorated holiday after Christmas.

According to a source close to the Clinton campaign, Hillary’s been practicing for tonight’s debate in a locker room.   An undisclosed Las Vegas high school has been the scene of intense preparation for the final showdown between Trump and Clinton. “Hillary wanted to ascertain if what her opponent calls ‘Locker Room Talk’ is really as offensive as his lewd remarks on a bus,” a source told us. Clinton has spent five days surrounded by sneakers, damp towels and Axe body spray. Twice her prep was interrupted by some towel snapping and a temper tantrum from the football team’s mascot. “Hillary was outraged when she overheard the soccer coach tell his team that he couldn’t wait to get home to play with his pussy,” the source confirmed. It was discovered that the coach in question had a new Siamese kitten and the team had bought some cat toys for “Mr. Mittens.” Campaign officials hung several suggestive posters in the locker room trying to bait any unsu...

The American Psychiatric Association announced a new seasonal disorder that is affecting millions across the country – Pumpkin Spice Traumatic Disorder (PSTD). Sufferers of PSTD are stricken every fall when Pumpkin Spice is released across the nation. Limited editions of hundreds of products are created containing the pumpkin spice flavor and scent. This causes pumpkin enthusiasts to go out of their gourds trying to buy up all these items.

New York, New York… Sounds so nice they named it twice. Not really, when you’re there you have to repeat it, because it’s noisy, overcrowded, and no one can hear you.   Mid-town Manhattan streets are cavernous canyons of cacophony. Try a leisurely stroll through Times Square to take in the sights. It’s impossible. You’re fighting a swarm of people who are coming at you from every direction. “Watch out!” Tourists are stopping to have selfies taken with a Super Hero, a Disney Princess or a Giant Muppet. “No kids, Tickle Me Elmo is in Toys R US, that’s HPV Elmo – stay away.” “That’s Iron Lung Man. The real Iron Man doesn’t smoke or hack into his facemask.”   “Oh Look! There’s orange Mr. Snuffleupagus. He lives in a tower on Fifth Avenue.” It’s mass confusion and sensory overload. I need Xanax and a horse blinder so I don’t have a panic attack. I try to enjoy the arts and entertainment that New York has to offer; it’...

During a campaign rally in Topeka, KS, Donald Trump claimed President Obama was directly responsible for the illegal forced deportation of a young farm girl. According to Trump, Dorothy Gale, age 12, was forcibly removed from her house and taken across the border to the hostile land of Oz. “Failed domestic policies and a struggling economy under the Obama Administration has forced Kansas farmers to remain in Tornado Alley.” Trump told pitchfork wielding supporters.  “Yes folks, President Obama has allowed terrorist tornadoes to form, and a little girl lost her home and her dog.”     Trump continued, “People said that Dorothy was left alone amongst radical munchkins who are part a dangerous organization known as the Lollipop Guild. I’m hearing they could be a threat to national security and Obama’s doing nothing to stop them.” “Crooked Hilary and the Clinton Foundation have accepted money from the Emerald City and a mysterious wizard,” Tru...

  We’ve just celebrated Independence Day and the grilling days of summer are underway. Millions of Americans celebrate July Fourth with backyard barbeques and continue their outside cooking throughout the season.

Quiet the mind and the soul will speak – Ma Jaya Sati I’ve wanted to learn the art of meditation. Articles I’ve read extoll the virtues of learning to regulate the mind. It helps reduce stress and ease health issues like depression, anxiety and high blood pressure. Plus, Oprah does it so why wouldn’t I want to give it a try? I read an article that Harvard researchers found meditation does produce beneficial effects in the brain and in the gut. It can help people with symptoms of IBS, IBD, IRS, IDIOT and TRUMP. Finding inner peace and wellness can take you to a much better place – like checking out of the Roach Motel and into the Ritz-Carlton. With proper instruction, I could become one with the universe. Focus my chi and enjoy my Chai. I needed to find a place to learn the principles of meditation. There are books and phone apps, but I need to learn by participating. I’m a hands-on learner. I have to see it in action or in this c...