Minneapolis, MN – Trump and members of his administration have informed the nation, for the second time, that vision is optional, memory is negotiable, and reality now requires an oath of loyalty. According to them, the public didn’t see what actually took place on the streets of Minneapolis.
Despite video footage, eyewitness accounts, and two deadly shootings, Trump’s message remains familiar: you didn’t see what you think you saw. It’s the same reassurance echoed in 2018 when he said, “Just remember: What you’re seeing and what you’re reading is not what’s happening.” A quote that has aged less like a Cabernet and more like an instruction label for authoritarianism.
This altered reality program is gaining traction in DC and across the country among MAGA sycophants who are challenged by facts and independent thinking. The central philosophy is simple, because that is what the party understands best: when reality becomes inconvenient, deny its existence and blame far-left Democrats and domestic terrorists.
“As more Americans join Trump’s ‘Not See’ party, we have to fight against a hive mind mentality that recreates the truth,” said Rhea Sistance, reporter for Democracy Today.
The ‘Not See’ party begins at the top of the fast-food chain with J.D. Vance and Kristi Noem. Both took to the podium to assure the public that they did not see what they clearly watched on television and online.
"Evidently, there’s a filter that rational Americans don’t possess," said Sistance. “I call it ‘orange-tinted glasses.’ They’re being distributed by the White House. Reality is being rebuilt using conspiracy theories as the foundation.”
Through these “Trumpian shades,” video evidence becomes performance art. Gunfire is a misunderstanding, repeated at least ten times.
“The distortion allows Trump’s minions to look directly at violence and see patriotism instead,” Sistance added. “Members of the ‘Not See’ party want to indoctrinate the MAGA adherents to the idea that nothing is real, so everything is defensible.”
Kristi Noem, US Secretary of Homeland Security and self-described dog whisperer, mentioned during a press conference that she has video footage of beleaguered ICE agents performing heroic acts that, curiously, no one has reported.
“There are clips of ICE agents helping schoolchildren onto buses; breaking down doors to check on senior citizens and deliver hot meals, rescuing cats from trees with tasers, and cleaning protestors’ eyeglasses with cans of spray,” Noem said. “I intend to release this footage as soon as it is edited to protect the citizens who don’t wish to have their faces on camera. The videos are being scrubbed by the team, who are busy redacting the Epstein Files.”
“The age of video evidence is certainly under scrutiny now that the ‘Not See’ party has elevated ‘Nothing to see here’ to a governing philosophy,” said SIstance. “So we’re left with truth seen as witnessed by protestors and the independent press, competing with alternative facts force-fed by the party.”
“We’re not saying that ICE agents can’t make a mistake,” said Poppy Ganda, a DHS employee. “But, we’re privy to things you do not see. When Secretary Noem says you saw a concerned citizen attack ICE agents with a gun that resembled a cell phone, and an innocent woman transformed her Honda Pilot into a weapon of mass destruction, you better believe her. Join the ‘Not See’ party today and close your lying eyes.”
Disclaimer:
This statement has been reviewed, approved, unapproved, unrevised, selectively edited, and spiritually interpreted by officials with the ‘Not See’ party. Any resemblance to actual events, verified events, recorded video, eyewitness testimony, or basic reality is purely coincidental and should be immediately dismissed.
Readers are reminded that perception is subjective, memory is unreliable, and video evidence is considered opinion. Independent thinking may cause discomfort, dizziness, or an urge to ask follow-up questions. If symptoms persist, please turn off the news and consult with your pharmacist.
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