Washington, D.C. – Minutes after the papal conclave elected Robert Francis Prevost, the first American pope, Trump is seeking a recall to what he terms “a rigged conclave.” A special team of papal lawyers will head to the Vatican to challenge the election results. The team of Agnosticgold, Atheistein, and Evangelicalberg, LLP, will file a protest on behalf of the president. Cardinal Kevin Joseph Farrell, acting head of the Catholic Church, issued a statement saying there is a new pope, Leo XIV, and the choice is final. “Trump can never be the pope unless Jesus is resurrected and names him the pontiff, which would supersede 135 cardinals of the conclave. He’s an impure married man, a sociopath, and not even a member of the Catholic Church. The closest he’ll ever be is the “Pope’s Nose,” said Cardinal Farrell. Trump immediately issued an executive order, calling for the savior’s resurrection. “I’ll wait for him in the Lincoln Bedroom. Jesus and I have a person...
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