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All Dolled Up!

For quite awhile now my partner, Gary, has been telling me I should start a blog. Telling me that I have a talent for writing, and I do have a good sense of humor about life, etc. etc. etc. I never really saw it that way, since I tend to be on the opposite end of the self-confidence scale.

My scales are always tipped toward the black hole of self-doubt. It is like "who the hell am I to have anything to say, and who would care if I said it." I did decide to give it some thought - well a lot of thought actually, and it seems that we are in a point in time where everyone has something to say. Let's face it who really cares about the Kardashians, TMZ, Honey Bo Bo or the Real Housewives of any place. It is a lot of static across the electronic media, but people do seem to listen and get involved. It is like rubber necking at an accident where you kind of want to see the bloody stump, but know you will be grossed out and traumatized if you do.

Several months ago,  I was shopping in Target - one of my favorite places - and I was strolling through the toy aisles, as I often do, and I was taken by surprise "gasp"! There on one of the shelves in the doll aisle was a replica of me as a Cabbage Patch Kid. I was staring at myself through clear cellophane. My arms were out-stretched and my plastic smile was saying "Buy Me!!! I have to go home with you."
I grabbed the yellow and green box and headed for the checkout.  I had to buy my minime, my doll-pal-ganger. The woman at the checkout asked if I wanted a gift receipt. I guess she was assuming that some child was having a birthday, or I was being a thoughtful uncle - yeah right!  Couldn't she see the uncanny resemblance of the doll to the man clutching his ATM card in anticipation of the sale. I carried my precious purchase to the car and ripped open the box to free my plastic clone from his confines.  The smell of baby powder wafted to my nostrils and I was filled with paternal pride. His adoption papers informed me that I had just taken custody of Bo Cason - the name sounds like a future CMA winner.

There was only a slight issue, and that was the outfit that my look-a-like was dressed in. I could accept the jeans, but the cowboy t-shirt and the boots were certainly not anything I would have chosen for my tiny twin. He is a little bit country and not enough rock and roll. Let it be clearly stated that "clothes don't make the clone." So far, Toys r Us has not started selling Prada for Cabbage Patch, but a Onesie from Tom Ford could do wonders.

I now realize that I am special. I have my own look-a-like Cabbage Patch doll. My alter plastic ego that exudes confidence with a 24/7 toothy smile. So take that Kim Kardashian, while you are having to clean up the southern half of North, I will be sipping vodka martinis with Bo Cason.  I am now ready to take on the world with my trusty sidekick, and if anyone doubts me it is the doll's fault.


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