Sparks Ignites

One year ago today my mom died and today the earth cries The rain falls from the sky as if it weeps in mourning The gray sky reflects my sadness The cold, damp air fills my body as the touch of death chills my soul There is a cycle of life as the leaves fall from the trees and winter approaches The rain soaks me and hides my tears as once again I bid her adieu The pain still feels fresh and I struggle The time passes and I stumble I look for answers, I search for solace, I grieve.

How do we maneuver through grief and find some type of healing? I struggle for an answer. I’ve read some books on grief and dying. I‘ve talked to a bereavement counselor and a psychologist, but does that really give me the tools to cope with the loss of a parent? Loosing a parent is like becoming untethered during a space walk. You suddenly are spinning out of control without gravity to bring you back to safety. You are lost, in a void and it is hard to catch your breath. People around you reach out their hands to help, but it is hard to latch onto the lifeline you need. I suffer with the loss of my mother. I try to survive on a daily basis. The relationship that brought me unconditional love and grounding is gone. Perhaps it is a delusion that I live with, but I feel less protected and more vulnerable to the world now.   I realize that I am an adult, but I was a child brought into this world by a person who is no longer here.   I ask myself if I lack the stre...

Fall is here and it is time to break out all the pumpkin-spiced products. Relish in the cinnamon, the nutmeg, the clove, and the most important ingredient, the king of all squash – the “Great Pumpkin.” I now can enjoy the crisp autumn air as I visit the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru and order my box of pumpkin-spiced munchkins. Let me sit back pop one in my mouth, enjoy the taste of the season, and think about cracking open my orange and black bins of holiday horror. It means that Halloween is on its way.   It’s time to break out the spooky decorations and try and scare the crap out of the neighborhood children. Since I was a child, the use of Halloween decorations and the celebration of   “All Hallows Eve” have grown exponentially. Halloween has become the second biggest decorated holiday after Christmas. I love seeing people’s houses decked out in terror, in the anticipation of the giant sugar rush of “Trick or Treat” night. Now, there are bit...

Last month, I was sitting on my sofa with my laptop when I saw the headline “Robin Williams Found Dead.” I was shocked and deeply saddened by the news and the loss. It seemed like such a conundrum as to why someone with his persona would commit suicide. As more information was revealed about his addictions, his Parkinson’s disease diagnosis, and his dealing with severe depression, I totally understood how this unfortunate incident could occur. Of course, the naysayers had to emerge and utter incoherent ramblings about cowardice and his leftist views that made him unhappy. All of the unintelligent garbage that gets reported needs to be tossed away promptly. Suicide is not an act of cowardice, but a result of depression or other mental illnesses. Robin Williams’ death is a tragedy, but if it can help start a national conversation about Depression and Mental Illness than something positive can come from an untimely death. It seems that many people view mental illness thro...

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“For every end there is a beginning.” The phrase can sound cliché or trite, because we’ve heard it so many times.   Whether it is cliché or not, it certainly is true when I stop to contemplate the meaning. As humans everyone comes to an end, and we all have a finite amount of time.   During our lifetime there are many beginnings and endings. For most things, there has to be a conclusion before moving to the next phase.   We stand on many stages during our life, and the curtain must come down before we can move to the next spotlight. From childhood to adulthood, our characters certainly change, as do our experiences and beliefs. I couldn’t wait until my school years were over, because the work world seemed more appealing than homework and gym class. As I entered “Corporate America,” I realized that my college days seemed so much better. I missed the learning process and being part of a group of students that supported each other.   We can find...

I just read an article my cousin posted on Facebook. Scientists and researchers are debunking the myth of sunscreen and skin cancer – WTF!!! My last blog about my issues with the sun, and the fact that sunscreen was the remedy for a pale complexion need to be reexamined.   Evidently, the use of sunscreens can enhance skin cancer rather than prevent it. A PhD scientist found that sunscreens are not only hazardous to humans, but they are dangerous to the environment as well. Furthermore, Swedish researchers (the land of blue-eyed, blonde people) found that women who avoid sunbathing during the summer are twice as likely to die of cancer as those who sunbathe every day. It all has to do with the body’s production of vitamin D and the how it protects us from diseases.   If all the research is correct, in essence, we are doing ourselves harm.   I completely have to rethink my belief, that avoiding the sun is the healthiest habit for me. Also, I have to wor...