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SPARKS BRIEF: Is Rihanna An Alien?

 Washington, D.C. – Marjorie Taylor Greene, Congresswoman, former Waffle House waitress and Miss Georgia Peach Pit 1990, has demanded the search and capture of pop singer, Rihanna. 

“She’s an illegal space alien and a threat to national security,” Greene said last night during the podcast— Anyone Can Be in Congress.

“Rihanna floated into the Super Bowl on a space sled and took the stadium hostage. Biden should have had the Air Force take her down immediately.” Greene believes the alien invasion started with the “so called” Chinese Spy Balloon.  

"What kind of name is Rihanna? Clearly not from this earth. Where I grew up, regular names were Billy Bubba, Wanda Lou, Tammy June, Clovis and Pickles,” Greene said.

“Why weren’t spectators shocked? Greene stated Rihanna hijacked the game and brainwashed millions of American citizens. “She was clearly sending messages of world domination through some weird musical code, while guarded by a squadron of stormtroopers in white.” 

“She’s the queen of her planet dressed in her fancy red spacesuit. All she was missing was a fashionable polar bear fur collar. 

“The stormtroopers gyrated around her in some outer space mating ritual. By the end of the ceremony, she was pregnant,” she shuddered.  

Greene asked Speaker of the House, Kevin McCarthy, to introduce a bill calling for the immediate seizure of all umbrellas in across the country.

“Star-Queen Rihanna kept saying ‘umbrella’ repeatedly. My Scooby-Do intuition tells me they’re turning umbrellas into satellites to send messages into space.” 

A member of the House Committee on Homeland Security, Greene called for a color purple threat level to be activated. Members of the committee advised Greene there is no color purple. Greene said she absolutely knew there was. She’s heard Whoopie Goldberg mention it on The View.

The Congresswoman has tried enlist the FBI. She wants a nationwide search of all nursing homes. “According to the documentary Cocoon, aliens hide out among old folks. They blend in since aliens can be wrinkly and pasty. It’s the first place I’d look.”

So far, the suspected alien has not been located. One of Greene’s congressional aides told her  Rihanna was from Barbados and might have returned there after the Super Bowl performance.

“I don’t know what galaxy the planet is in, but NASA must build a Death Star and blast it away.”

Greene told Podcast Host, George Santos, “We must hold Joe Biden’s wrinkled feet to the fire and make him take out these space invaders before he eats another early-bird buffet. If he won’t do it, I will!”

“I’m spearheading a Conservative campaign for capturing the galactic intruders. My slogan is Make America Human Again!  Look for my MAHA hats, bumper stickers and beer koozies on my website– MTG-There’”





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