Skip to main content


 May 5, 1897 – Police Gazette News

 The Enchanted Forest Police issued a restraining order today against a Gold E. Locks. The plaintiff, Mom E. Bear filed the complaint after finding the culprit in her home. The incident involved destruction of property.

The protective order demands that Ms. Locks not wander into the Bear’s neck of the woods at any time. The cause stated on the order was – Breaking and Entering, Private Property Destruction, Smoking in Bed, Lounging in the Bear’s Bedroom, Porridge Confiscation and Stalking.

Deputy Jack B. Nimble prepared the order after interviewing the Bear family at police headquarters. According to Mom E. Bear the family was at Ted E. Bear’s picnic when Ms. Gold invaded their modest split-level home in Hundred Acre Wood.

Official record transcribed by Miss Tuffet – stenographer for the Chief of Police.

Mom E. Bear – “We were returning from an afternoon picnic when we noticed our front door ajar. I always lock the door and place the key around my neck – I don’t have pockets.”  

“It was alarming to see our home open to any wandering creature. We’ve had several drunken dwarves asleep on our lawn and once Tinkerbell was trapped in our bug zapper, but we’ve never had anyone break into the house.”

“I offered to investigate. Dad E. Bear was stuck to my back like honey. We crept inside and the first thing we saw was our furniture had been broken.”

“The petite psycho sat in all our chairs, and broke our sweet Babe’s rocker. Strands of blonde hair were all over our sofa, and she must have put her feet on the cushions. Patent leather stains covered the fabric. Talk about grin and bear it. I’d just finished my Spring cleaning after Winter hibernation. Things get pretty dusty.”

“I checked the kitchen and it was a disaster. Porridge and honey where everywhere ­– even stuck to the ceiling. Our big cauldron was boiling in the fireplace. I removed the lid and was horrified. Peter Rabbit had been shoved into the pot and left boiling. Although tragic, I thought of adding some chopped carrots and celery for fresh rabbit stew.”

“We weren’t dealing with any normal woods tramp like Red Riding Hood. I grabbed a meat cleaver and headed for the stairs. Dad E. seemed a bit hesitant to follow me, so I knew I needed to take the situation into my own paws.”

“When I reached the top of the stairs, I panicked. There was a cloud of smoke drifting out of our bedroom. I ran into the room expecting to see flames, but was more shocked to find Gold E. Locks draped across Babe E.’s bed.”

“She was lounging in a blue pinafore, smoking and drinking. What a sloppy drunk. Loudly, she hiccupped, giggled and then blew a smoke ring. ‘Oh it’s you,’ she said slurring her words. I was speechless and let out a grizzly snarl.”

“What are you doing here?” I demanded to know. ‘Just chill like Gentle Ben,’ she advised. ‘I’m here to see Dad E. Bear. I brought him a present. A box of bear claws.’ I was moments away from ripping her limb to limb.”

“Dad. E. crept in the room looking a little sheepish. ‘You shouldn’t be here,’ he growled. ‘But, you never came to see me. I won’t be ignored!’ she yelled.”

“Dad E. looked in pain, like he needed to shit in the woods. He explained he’d helped Gold E. Locks find Bo Peeps cottage. She was so grateful she invited Dad E. for a drink with her and Peep. Over a mug of Grimm Ale, Gold E. made a pass at Dad E. She has a reputation for liking strong black bears.” 

“Until her forced entry, I wasn’t aware of any situation, but, she’s been stalking Dad E. everywhere he goes –  the butcher, the baker the candlestick maker. Dad E. told me he’s seen here lurking at the edge of the forest enticing him with an open picnic basket. She’s also disguised herself as Winnie the Pooh and Teddy Ruxpin trying to get into the house.”

“I forcibly removed her from our property and told her the next time I saw her she’d be tasting my bear claw. This bleach bottle bimbo will not ruin our ‘Happily Ever After.’”

The Bear family has retained the legal services of Tweedledee, Tweedledum, and Associates. A warrant was issued for Gold E. Locks in connection with the stewing of Peter Rabbit. Ms. Locks remains at large somewhere in the forest. All residents have been warned not to interfere in the search. The Three Little Pigs are on the case.  


Recent Posts

Waking Up in Vegas - Happy 2014!

Neither, Gary or I, are really gamblers, so we try to find other activities to occupy our time when visiting Vegas. We have visited Red Rock, Hoover Dam and Valley of Fire State Park on previous visits. We had even traveled as far as Zion National Park in Utah, during an earlier stay. There are definitely natural beauties to discover while in Nevada, and they have nothing to do with showgirls or stripper poles. This visit was about relaxation and ringing in the New Year, so we didn’t need to stray far from Vegas this time. We bought tickets for a concert featuring Kristin Chenoweth. She is a very talented singer and actress best known from Broadway shows, movies, and multiple guest appearances on GLEE. The concert was on New Year’s Eve at the newly built Smith Center. Although she is about three feet tall, Kristin has a powerhouse voice. She sang songs from her career and, of course, sang one of my favorites “For Good” from WICKED. It was a great way to

Mental Health - Destroy the Stigma

I believe that I am a fearless writer. I share my personal experiences, thoughts and beliefs. I’ve not been afraid to express my emotions. Self-expression is fundamental to writing. I am a man of my words Recently, I became concerned that my blogs about depression and mental health might shape my reader’s opinions of me in a negative way.   The more I thought about it, I realized that I had internalized the stigma that surrounds mental health. Stigma is defined as “a mark of disgrace or infamy.” The word bears a negative connotation and it devalues the person to whom the stigma is applied. While the conversation about mental health is receiving a larger forum, damaging misconceptions are widespread. According to surveys, there are between 42.5-46 million adults in the US that have some type of mental illness.   Statistics show that one in four adults experience mental illness in a given year. These numbers of individuals are all impacted in some manner by the sti

Summer Adventures Part 2 – The Backyard Backlot to Broadway

  My childhood summers weren’t all the glitz and glamor of vacationing with cousins, wobbly shopping carts and bloody feet. Actually, most of my summer days were spent right at home in my yard. My parents never took a vacation. Our family never packed its bags and took off for other ports of call.   I never boarded a plane, a boat, or a train for a family adventure. My adventures were self-created. They were products of an imaginative mind that could travel to the moon, ride the rapids in the Amazon Jungle and lead a battle for the Knights of the Round Table, all before a lunch of Spaghettios with a side of Hawaiian Punch . I have always loved going to the movies. This helped provide the inspiration to my over active mind. The Saturday afternoon matinee was a childhood staple for me. The smell of fresh popcorn as you entered the lobby and the crisp cold air of the air-conditioned theater helped set the atmosphere on those hot, summer afternoons. I would get lost in the dark with

Depression, Drugs & DNA

When diagnosed with Clinical Depression, my doctor recommended medication to help the illness. The art of medication management can challenge professionals who need to find the right drug and dosage that will be effective for treatment. It’s frustrating for patients combating the effects of depression when their medication doesn’t quite alleviate the symptoms. Part of this cocktail of drugs can also cause intolerable side effects ·       Sleepiness ·       Insomnia ·       Dizziness ·       Weight Gain ·       Headaches ·       Increased Anxiety ·       Sexual Problems ·       Nausea The feeling of hopelessness and frustration is just compounded when you’re waiting for relief that never really arrives. There are so many drugs available for the treatment of depression. It can be daunting to find the right one for you. I feel that I have taken the PDR of depression medications. There’s always been the chase for the one that would tu

Communication - The Art of Words

I read a posting, a few weeks ago, that the song “Enjoy the Silence” by Depeche Mode was celebrating its 25 th anniversary. The song, released in 1990, speaks of how you can be beyond words. It relays the message that there are times when words can’t describe feelings or emotions and seem inconsequential. I do understand when people say that something is “indescribable.” We all have moments when we just want silence and time to appreciate the world beyond words.   A feeling or an emotion can be hard to verbalize at times, but are we ever beyond words? We have to realize that if we want a space of non-communication we have to communicate that. We can’t “Enjoy the Silence” unless we can tell everyone we want silence.   For people to know we are at a loss for words, we have to tell them that. Everything we say and do lies in communication. We could not function as a community or a society without it. We don’t stop to contemplate that our whole world is created fro